Well, I’m doing it. I’m blogggiiiiiiiinnnnnggggg! This must be how Maria felt on that mountaintop.
I wrote three “vignettes” for Mother’s Day that I also shared on my Instagram (@deep_delightful_life), but I know some of my people aren’t connected to that account, so I’m dropping it here too. Maybe this is me coming back to blogging, or… maybe not. But today, I did it. Here it is.
1: Mother’s Day is Hard
There were Mother’s Days when I didn’t get out of bed, or go to church, or feel very good about the day at all. Year after year I hoped I would be parenting, and year after year my arms were empty. Even now that I’m parenting, I think of the two souls waiting for us in heaven.
It can be so hard when life isn’t roses and breakfast in bed and pedicures and hugs and handmade cards. When the reality is so different from our expectations and hopes.
Our hopes aren’t wrong, they just highlight that, indeed… it wasn’t meant to be this way. Brokenness, illness, separation, dysfunction, hurt, loss, etc. etc.
Infertility, loss and adoption broke my heart wide open in empathy for all those who find themselves in the shadows on days like this. For me, it was a way to experience and receive God’s love, and to show it to others.
For anyone who mourns what was or what could or should have been, you are seen, and loved, and precious. Your heart’s desire for things to be different, the hurt you feel, the sadness… it’s all okay to feel. It reveals that things aren’t meant to be this way.
It is okay to get the pedicure and raise a toast, to enjoy breakfast in bed if that’s your situation. It’s also okay to hide away, to listen to sad songs, to skip church.
Please let somebody know, though. Please let somebody see your tears. Tell somebody how it feels: your loss, or rejection, or anger, or pain. I would encourage you to tell God and to tell a person. It’s not always sunshine and flowers on Mother’s Day. I see you. You will get through today, because you got through yesterday. The way you feel is important and okay and real AND a part of how I and people like us celebrate Mother’s Day.
So. Check on your friends. The mamas of all kinds: birth mamas, bio mamas, adoptive mamas, those who have lost their moms, lost a child, those who are estranged or experiencing some kind of hurt or tension in their relationship. Mothers are important, or else we wouldn’t feel so deeply about this day.
2: Motherhood is Shared
My daughter is hers in a way she will never be mine, she is mine in a way she will never be hers, and together we are motherhood.
(based on Desha Woodall’s words)
We each have our role, and it. is. okay. It may not be what you see every day, but it doesn’t have to be confusing… it is just more love. And it IS our everyday experience.
The little hand I hold is doubly precious because that hand formed in the womb of a woman I am now blessed to call my friend. It’s a bond like no other, to know somebody else loves your child as much as you do.
We will each be what our daughter needs in our own way, and neither of us takes anything away from the other.
I needed her, she needed me, our daughter needs us both, and we are in this together. This is our motherhood.
Happy Mother’s Day, Abby! 💐 🥂 🤗 💗
3: Motherhood is Beautiful
Motherhood is an invitation to give and receive God’s humble, gentle, patient, joyful, forgiving, lavish love day after day.
When I accept this invitation , it’s a beautiful thing. When I don’t, when I forget, when I refuse because I’m being extra human, it is still a beautiful thing… because God’s mother heart for us never stops beating.
I am infinitely blessed to be mothering someone. To be the word she wakes up and lies down calling out. To be the one she looks for when she’s happy or sad or something isn’t right or she’s just wandering the house, checking to see where I am. To laugh with her, hold her when she cries, and occasionally cause her to cry while teaching her where the boundaries are.
Being a mother is not all I am, but I’m thankful for the ways God is using it to *bring out* who I am and refine me into who I will be in the future.
It is a beautiful gift to have been mothered sweetly by my own mom, who was so good in so many ways, and shared enough of her story with me so that I could understand if she fell short. It is a gift to have a mother-in-law who is a friend and a supporter and who cares so deeply for me. It is a gift to have one grandmother left in my life who delights in me, listens to me, and has let me get to know her as a real person. It is a blessing to love my new soul-sister-mom (my daughter’s birth mama), to love our daughter together, and to know that the mothers who shaped her are also cheering for and loving Joanna and me. I have also had motherly influences in my life through work and church— too many to count.
Motherhood is a gift from God to the world. I’ve heard it said, and I agree… it’s a miracle however it comes to you.