I usually roll my eyes at “New Year, New You,” but I’m actually walking into 2026 as a different person: I’m no longer a pastor’s wife.

We’re still married 😜 but my husband worked his last day at church on December 31, 2025 and is searching for a non-ministry job for the first time in over 20 years.

As soon as we decided that he would be done, I started feeling different. I was already processing religious trauma from the recent and less-recent past, but with this new change, things that were deeply rooted in my heart, mind and body started to loosen as I saw the finish line approaching.

It’s been an honor to see my husband’s work up close for so many years, and to be a part of it myself as a volunteer for a good portion of that time. I’m proud of how we have served, loved, led, listened, taught, prayed, mentored, planned, played, and really just tried to be ourselves in ways that might encourage and help others. It was an immense privilege to be part of students’ lives over the years. We got to be part of some really special, formative times. With just a quick look back, I see more sweet moments than I can count. I wouldn’t trade those times with those people for anything.

And, over time, ministry racked up a cost I wasn’t aware of until more recently. Important parts of myself got lost in that life, even though I believe I was as authentic and well-intentioned as I could be during my time in a ministry spouse role. 

There is more going on, for sure: my shifting theological beliefs, evolving expressions of faith, processing trauma and complexity. But it’s all inextricably linked. I’m making these changes, feeling so deeply and struggling to process my experiences precisely because of my close connection to the church for so long. 

Not everyone will have this kind of experience. I’m not saying the cost is always unbearable or not worthwhile. Many will choose to stay, even for the long haul. And that may be right for them. But there are burdens, and it is costly to live that life. And for us, it was time to walk away. 

We are still Christians. We still love Jesus and the Church. We are staying at our church for the foreseeable future to continue the relationships we’ve formed over the past 18 months or so. We love being in community with fellow believers and serving in whatever ways God calls us to. Right now we feel called to rest and heal from the work and mindset of vocational ministry, and we’re in a safe place to do that.

Speaking for myself, I feel led to share more about how my faith is evolving and how I’m making sense of what I’ve been through. It’s hard to articulate, and I’m not sure how quickly I’ll find clarity around everything I’m sorting out, but it’s coming. 

I’m feeling relieved, hopeful, excited… and tbh… scared, because we don’t know what Mike’s next job is yet and were really hoping we would by now. But one thing I don’t feel is regret. So here’s to taking bold steps, to the examined life, to growing and changing, to learning and unlearning, and to letting ourselves become something new. 🥂 

Isaiah 43:19: “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”